I would like to be able to see…

Sighting 1. I saw her looking back at me and I could see the fear in her eyes.

Sighting 2. I remember. I saw her, spit flying out of the corner of her mouth into my face screaming something unintelligible.

Sighting 3. I saw her walking down the road with a shopping bag in her hand smiling to the neighbours and waving across the road.

Sighting 4. I heard, rather than saw, thank god, My mother in throes of ecstasy on the sofa bed in the living room downstairs with her then boyfriend.

Sighting 5. I heard her open the door after coming home from work. She asked how I was and busied herself in the kitchen.

Sighting 6. At Church, we gathered every Sunday at 10:00. She was there physically but somewhere else I thought.

Sighting 7. In a photo on her wedding day with my Dad. She is smiling in the photograph.

Sighting 8. At her second wedding day. She is never there, close to me, but in the photographs she is smiling.

This is not an exhaustive list. Somewhere in there is my mother. The seed pearl. I don’t care for the mature pearl like I want to peel it like an onion. No, sir! And the oyster shell is important too. The oyster shell is important too. I would like to know how she sees me, that is all. That is all.

 

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