Snake Cat Wants Human Food!

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Haiku #52

Out Of Order said sign

Pity, a transaction fail

I’ll do it myself

Paranoid

Is the internet making us selfish? Like the high street of old are there places where the Weirdos went but where no respectable person would be seen?

Is it the internet’s fault? And wasn’t the internet supposed to be the place where you can go and be whoever you want?

I am a non-earner in terms of the internet economy. I may be kind and welcoming to new comers as that is one of my internet roles but when it comes to internet banking I want it working I don’t care about the colour scheme. Even the welcome you get from the banks is sincerely delivered. It’s all about what you can get away with -surely?

With this in mind, I hope to become a peddler of clicks and whirrs Whoops! I mean clicks and eyes as I have a blog which has no ulterior motive for people to get suspicious about other than it’s something I created that I would like to share perchance to raise an eyebrow or titillate a vein such is my innocence.

I am at home all day and all of the night which you would think gives me more time to write and draw but we are dealing with daresay voodoo economics when it comes to art and writing. A minute is well…a minute. But it can seem like an hour.

So get behind my new post by clicking follow or watch or favourite or Like in whatever language you are using. And remember …something profound. Or if you can’t invite around that really annoying relative you have and talk with them for three hours. That’ll put things in profound perspective!

Till next time. Ta ta.

Asshole

Created by Andrew Watkins in Paint. Copyright Andrew Watkins 2017©©

Joke

What did the vagina say to the penis?

Do you come here often?

 

OK! You have heard it before…I know..

(grins)

Intergalactic Tomato Ride

It’s like a map, he said sitting at the corner of the bed
knife in hand, blood dripping from veins
Mean while on the supergalactic tomato
Boneface makes an appearance to bow
‘Hello, I am boneface. Here is faceless and mok and tew and finally boredom who will know you by now’
Hello and welcome to my room.
Well one of them anyway. I live in a mansion y’know.
but only the sky can see in clearly
through a little hole in a roof nor
I love God all the same.
But this tomato has pips to shoot the intergalactic lane!
And mass and gravity said mok and tew, respectively.
So here I go. Remove cloaking device. Engage Afterburners.
Countdown to tomato stew.
5…
4…
3…
2…1

GOooooooooooooooooooooo!

Poem b y Andrew Watkins. Image by Andrew Watkins. Created in Paint.

© 2017 Andrew Watkins

True Love

‘No darling. There is no other one,’ said the iguana to the tree.

Why Is Love?

Why is love a forklift truck?

Because it lifts you up and puts you down.

Kicking Footballs

Kicking footballs ‘gainst the wall
Trying to make sense of it all
With every kick you get closer to tea
With every kick you use a little energy
When you have climbed mount Everest
and come back home victorious
you will find ____ has moved the wall.

Another Sail

In the back in a metal box, you will find the other sail. Quick. Before the wind gets up! Actually, there is no story about a sail but the need to write is upon me again like swarming ants around a tree so madly, deeply, I throw myself into it! Imagine that very same tree alive with the ants of seven different nests peacefully dividing up its aphids and leafs for harvesting.  The tree would be literally alive with movement and activity. Imagine climbing it unawares and finding yourself bitten by seven different varieties of ant! Up there you scratch out at your nose to dislodge a particularly painful bite and notice that it is wet like a dogs and has grown a foot out from your face..Panicked  you find yourself also having hunger pangs for something new. Strong pangs. Now confused by an unusual feeling you instinctively lick your lips only to find that your tongue is now sticky. An irresistible urge to lick up an ant comes upon you and you dart out your tongue twards a particularly thick cluster and then gobble them up. Mmm. Delicious! You go to rub your nose but the urge to eat is upon you and you climb this way and that all over the tree slurping up ants until there are none left. When it is clear there are none left you perch upon a branch and more new thoughts enter your mind. Killer! Ant-eater! Freak! Confused and ashamed you climb down from the tree and sit on the ground. A hedgehog shuffles by fleas jumping on its back like school sports day and you lick them up just out of curiosity. They taste different to ants you decide but the wings aren’t half chewy! Not like ants at all! You sit longer wondering where you can get an ant snack from on the way home. more climbing will be required you decide. By the time you get home that evening, you have tried ants, beetles, centipedes, woodlouse and a baby bird for size. You wipe your face clean with the back of your sleeve and resolve to tell no-one of your new hobby. This is how your second life began twenty-five years ago and apart from looking like an anteater from the neck up you believe that nobody has a clue what it is you do when you go out for your nightly walk. But eyes have been watching, making notes and recording you since you arrived in the new village two years ago. We have a file on you.