I Was Moved To Write This Down

I was trying to find some money to take this Latin course I want to do when I thought of putting on some of my favourite music.

Now with Placebo blaring in my ears, something approaching normal service can be resumed.

I don’t know what to write except that I have a weird neurotic need to have things just so before starting studying again.

I need to have an exercise machine on which I can blast away a few calories should the urge come upon me in the middle of studying to EXERCISE which it often does when I am concentrating hard. So I purchased a Cross Trainer so when I begin studying the need for immediate exercise can be immediately fulfilled.

Another need is gaming. I need to game between bouts of studying. This urge comes to me like a vision. In it, I see myself blasting aliens, or solving elvish and necromancing puzzles whilst on the way to becoming a warlock. Alternatively, I could be playing a civilisation building game or Command and Conquer. I might even be playing Undertale. It’s the gaming that matters, not the game.

These two requirements are on top of the usual ones for serious study which I have also fulfilled – partially at least. I still see myself as 18 when planning my study so I plan for a girlfriend and regular socialising despite being totally ineligible in some ways. if only I tried when I was younger. I see myself staying in instead like some monkish hermit disease ridden bug whore learning to memorise over 700 Pokemon(!)

It’s money that is my biggest obstacle now. My credit history is not very good and I have no access to mainstream credit. This leaves me in the unhappy position of being caught between the banks and the sharks.


I think I should just be grateful I can save enough so I can do it in six months time. SIX MONTHS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sic. It could be worse, A lot worse.

I am also starting to diet this month. I am currently shopping for and researching a calorie controlled diet so that I can lose about two stone. I now have a Ramekin. A What you say? A ramekin is a small bowl perfect for a 100 gram serving of cheese, nuts, sultanas, seafood, yoghurt, etc.

Now all I need to do is…..Cut out the unhealthy calorie-laden junk like biscuits, beer, nice Chinese food and eat smaller portions and adapt to the restrictions on what I can eat to make mealtimes last as long as possible. Also to make them as tasty as possible while expending minimum effort. While keeping a lid on my sanity! What could be easier!

Except for the sanity thing, I am good to go. Really.

Well, thanks for reading this email/blog. I hope you are all doing fine. fine, just fine. and if your not then remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark it seems.



I remember thinking that I will earn enough to keep me and mine in happiness  for as long as I live. And I also thought nothing of working hard to pay bills that I had accrued. Nothing was too much sacrifice. nothing was too much effort. I was happy giving.

I think my first credit card that allowed me to spend first think later was the beginning of the change. After the first one they came along as if my magic through my letter box telling me that I was pre-approved to spend another £1800.00, then £2500, then £4600. I got sort of caught up in it. At first, I was a cynic but some tectonic plate of thought shifted ever so slightly and suddenly the floodgates opened to cheap money, Hell free money.

So my decline began with a wallet full of offers and balance transfers. Next it was Credit hire agreements, then it was a mortgage and a remortgage. It lasted for about five years before I went bust.

I don’t know if there is a moral to this story except that its only the businesses running the show who profits, not the individual.