Sad Songs Again

Doors that open…
The Space Race
ICBM and Cruise missile
4-minute warning
Fallout snow
nowhere to go

Ice and snow
At the North Pole
Icy tundra
Roads that disappear
into the white
the killing snow
warming your soul

Darling presents to come
your guests welcome
never seen you before
merci beaucoup, P’or flavor
Where you going on holiday
To Mexico or Bahrain
Be sure to take a hundred dollar bill

to tip the Russian waiters

At the wake, an old flame
resembles something left in the rain
a fire and whiskey glow
and soon talk turn to tomorrow
and yesterday and its gloom
seems like an old sorrow
put it to bed get warm
for sad songs again.

Gabby Agbonlahor

I keep on telling myself it’s gonna be alright but I don’t believe it.

A Wave of Rap Music awoke me this morning from the flat downstairs.

The conveyor of dreams is rolling past my window but I’m out of coin.

A spider is hanging from my ceiling. I think he has plans of his own.

Milk bottles clink in the holder and the front door closes shut locked.

This either builds up your armour or numbs you to reality and hope.

I’m talking about the thud, the whack, and the dopest hits from a jumbo jet.

This is broadsheet flagellation by  a man wearing a bandana reading ‘Viva La Femme’

I am titillated by Krusty Creme less I am bowled over by Agbonlahor,

Didn’t I ever make choices? Wasn’t there a time when I decided things? For myself?

A man, A man. Didn’t I want a man? Now I don’t know. Don’t worry it’s a dream.

They will hoover the hair out of the carpet when you’re gone and apply one coat of paint to the door.

Agbonlahor, Gabby Agbonlahor.

What Is This Life?

Odds and Evens and Vermin,

Aldi is not the only fruit,

Here on this street.


While we hang around

and whisper ‘please’

It’s a load of old rope.

for them on the dope.

You barely even know.

‘Skewers’ you call him

As he makes a ratface at you saying



‘Take in the chainmail stuff,

This is Britain bruv’

wiping his dirty hands on his sleeves

. ‘What will I wear then I wonder?

For Arthurs Roundtable assembling over yonder?’


Esconsed safely in your rooms you promise.

He should have picked on someone smaller’

and with rolling pin at the ready an’ all in a lather you muster

You don’t come around here telling the ducks which way to quaack and all that

young fella theres more to this life than being a yeller !

I could go on but it would spoil all the fun of finding

out what life is like on this street. And We’ve barely even started.

I’ll let you know how things go.

So we say goodnight.

And wish you all happy dreams.


Good old Terry Wogan. We miss ya!

I thought id write this for TW from about half way through. I began to hear his voice talking the words as i wrote and rewrote. So this ones for Sir Terry.


The Cycle of A Depressive Adult

All my stuff is a load of old junk.

I am not too pissed off at this moment.

All of my stuff is well chosen useful, even cool.

These people are out to piss me off. What other alternative is there?

Yawn. I’m feeling tired.

It’s three in the morning again and I’m not tired.

What’s breakfast?

I have nothing in that I want to eat.

I’m feeling horny.

I eat because I am nervous.

She is a perfect match.

This feels like spinning plates.*

I have no money.

Shopping day today.

(Sleeps all day)

I hate television shows they just don’t reflect my reality.

Drop everything. Corries On.

etc, etc,  Ad infinitum.

Start cycle again…


  • I pinched this from a Radiohead lyric. Don’t tell them will you 😉

The Perfect Cover

White walls. The wall light has a bulb missing, and a shade missing if you want to be picky. But I wasn’t. I was at my wits end and living with depression and anxiety. My only friend was a twenty a day reefer addict who used to visit me unshaven and unkempt and despite myself and twenty-five years of being a straight man, rather attractive to me. Just my luck, he was a bit of a rogue and soon had me toking night after night with him while we sat up listening to downloaded songs, although he was a musician he never talked shop much so it was all about the moment. We spent our night like that, just smoking and talking and listening to music and watching videos off youtube, myspace and facebook. Placebo, Blur, and The Smashing Pumpkins were our favourites.I tripped, I groaned, I was seduced and overcome. This was poverty and music with the crawling feeling of insanity never far away. There were members of far-right parties around upstairs who threatened violence on you if you looked at them too long. There were screaming teenagers yelling at people down their mobile telephones and slashing the tires of people they did not like. There was the pot dealer in the flat downstairs who used to wake me up with a baggie or two of skunk weed for breakfast. On tick if you like. There was a regular stream of customers to his door and the hallway reminded me a bit of the dealer in a toilet I once visited in the Raves in Reading circa 1991. Yea I tried drugs then but Hell, you only live once. Been there done that. I had other ambitions at the time. I was hoping to study. Science. It was a weird feeling like being so well known for not being a scientist I had to fight a mountain climb every day before I could get past all of the reasons why I could never be a scientist before I actually got around to doing any studying. It was difficult. I never got past 3.14.159 which is Pi which is some maths as you Probably know. I now think I am not cut out for a life of science. Anyway, it’s too academic and academic is boring. That said I now hope to study Latin which is not so boring. anyway, I think that now. I haven’t actually started studying it yet. Hell, I haven’t even got a Latin Dictionary only  a Latin textbook which is from the Cambridge course I want to do. This doesn’t mean I want to go to Cambridge University to study Latin. No. It’s a distance learning course by Cambridge University for beginners aged 8-80 and is very popular having sold 3,000,000 times worldwide!! Well, that what the website says. Wow Wow, Wow! I have read through a few pages of the course textbook and have been impressed with the quality of the material and not overly daunted by the level at which you are expected (going from the textbook) to achieve at. Now all I need is the £240.00 fee! There is always a hill to climb! Sigh! Well, it could be worse. A lot worse. At least, there’s no pot dealer knocking on my door, no late night sesh to excuse myself from or raving lunatics around threatening to smash up my study area. I hope I am not tempting fate!

Seriously I must have really pissed of someone for that to happen.

Well, Its Monday, Monday and I am waiting for my credit card to arrive in the post. Mail has been going missing from the front door so I wouldn’t be surprised if I have to cancel this card as well if it does not arrive AND reach its intended recipient, i.e. me.

My Dad just got off the phone with me and last night went to see Mahler’s Symphony of 1000 Voices. Doesn’t he get around? His complaint – ‘Andrew, It was all in German!’

So that is the end of my little story today. I hope you’re well, reader and I hope to see you again. Cheerio.

Btw. I do not condone illegal drug use.:-)

A Side / B Side – That Is The Question

  1. Check box for damage. If the box is damaged refuse delivery. If you have bought the box home damaged, return to your nearest store for a full refund.
  2. Open box along taped edges using a safety blade (not included).
  3. Outsemble pieces where they can be inspected for damage. Remove paper inventory from the box.
  4. Using a pencil (not included) tick off inventory from paper inventory and outsembled items that together make up your desk or another furniture item.
  5. Taking care, assemble the desk or another furniture item.
  6. Thanks for reading. Have a nice day!



I know you know

I know you know I know you know

You know I know you know I know you know.

Toothpaste squeezed out of a tube, that’s how I feel. When there is no more squeezing to do, when the tube is totally empty, That’s where I end up sometimes no matter what I do. Thrown into the sink of life in disgust. Sheer disgust.

A clever person, a stupid person and a smart person were trapped in a train carriage underground. The clever person calculated their chances of survival with an app on his smartphone. The Stupid person started talking to his fish paste sandwich and the smart person said’ I thought blubber was there to protect you from the cold. Bloody whales Oh I’m having a heart attack. Bye both of you. Urrcchk (death rattle)’

How do I cope with it? Well, use your common sense. If you are asleep then your not awake but dreaming. There is no off switch. There is food, a hobby, running if you can make yourself sex, plenty of ways to get your thrills. In moderation. You can build a life, make a life through no effort of your own in the first instance. l was raised with certain values, where’s the harm in falling back on those even if they do not reflect your own views in a time of dire need? Heck, most of the time.

Meanwhile, the fire has spread to the adjoining carriage. Stupid man carries on talking to his fish paste sandwich and clever man keeps on calculating with GPS location services on his smartphone.

Lean on your family, friends, bank manager or church. Work hard. Work smart (you will know if you are doing it) and remember that you’re probably not in the circus, so don’t let people boss you around.

A spark the size of a small hen races along the electrified track coming up the back of the train where the three of you are. Suddenly without warning the spark flies right into the handset of the clever man holding the smartphone calculating now If a human can survive 20,000 volts. Judging by the melted eyeballs and burning hair, I would say no.

Just jump right in if you feel it’s the right moment. Don’t worry if you fall on your ass, that’s what having friends are for. Let them take the heat for you, let them explain to your crying girlfriend, your estranged family and your angered god just how you are totally crass as an ACT designed with IRONY that sends up the OVER PRIVILEGED and is in fact SATIRE. And the fact that you are in fact HURT by their IGNORANCE of the REAL YOU. Send a thank you card with a quick note about how you are grateful for the opportunity to right past wrongs and pray for forgiveness from your GOD.

Stupid man was found still in apparent conversation with his wilting fish sandwich and was unaware that by giving his eye contact to the fish sandwich he saved him from smoke blindness! Also unknown to him was that by talking constantly to his sandwich he was distracted from thirty degree burns he received. Stew Peed, who lived with his mother, went on to make a full recovery in New Maldon Hospital and has since guess what? Won the bleedin’ lottery!!!!!!!

Life’s a bag of marbles. Yours until someone nicks it.



What really happened?

I went to the sauna with the idea of getting some hot man love and taking my position amongst the few who dared to express their physical love so publically.

What really happened.

I was there at least. A guy on his way out said.’This place isn’t all its cracked up to be’ but so excited was I at the prospect of some hot man love that I decided to stay.

I continued to change into my white towel and finally did so. I walked through a door and into a bar area with large screen television draught lagers and bar stools. This is where most of the guys were. But I was not interested in having a drink. I wanted a shower and to meet someone, preferably in the shower. And meet someone I did. There was a little perving in the shower and then we went into one of the little cubicles with mattresses that were at the end of a dimly lit corridor. In it we made love.

What really happened.

We got inside and after some initial perving I found out that I did not have it in me for this guy anyway. So I apologised,  made my excuses and left.


So did my excursion to the sauna make a man of me/make me a better artist/ extend my independence to previously unknown levels?

Is this the beginning of a new age of enlightenment?

Will I now settle down and get married?

Ed. Not with this posted on the Internet.

Me. Erm…