Race Track

Imagine that you got to race a race car around a race track! A magic race track. Every time you rounded the fourth corner you would be transported to a realm of dream and clarity. You would never lose time while in this turn and you would never ever lose your place. But you decide to take the alternative longer route through the chicane. Why?

To cut a long story short, what if the dreams and clarity bit i.e. your collective consciousness contained some rubbish you’d rather deal without, that is, something you would rather forget about and move on from? Well, You’d probably steer clear of dreaming and clarity if it caused you pain wouldn’t you? Well thats how it is. Time can be a great healer they say but once dreamed never forgotten is what I say. Buried maybe. Covered definitely. Forgotten, never.

Now I will attempt to describe in words something that caused me pain and suffering in my life especially.

The divorce of my parents came through when I was five.  On the outside, I was a happy kid. The other side was darker all together.  Petty crime, Lies, Gambling, Deception, Denial, Hate, Anger, lots of anger.

My memory is hazy on all the details but it wasn’t until I was into my early twenties that I stopped gambling. A ten-year habit! That was twenty years ago now since I felt that someone might kill me soon as look at me!

Thankfully I met someone that changed my opinion of the human race. An artist. A musician. A friend. We had two years of mostly happy friendship until he moved away. A week into knowing him I was convinced again that there was hope for me and eighteen months into knowing him my world had been literally turned upside down by this charming man.

Now he is gone, moved away and world seems a much paler place without him. But I know lots of artists writers, poets, musicians and otherwise creative people on the websites I  use so often! I am reminded of my friends and followers and suddenly the world seems like it should be a better place. One without pain and suffering affliction and poverty. Nevermind the planet, what about the people?

I never picked up a pencil to draw since being a child. Aged forty I was drawing for pleasure. My writing has developed although it’s still a hobby but I have high hopes for it in the future. I think the moral of this piece is that even if you are unable to conceive of the answer to your unhappiness or if you may have a very clear idea of what happiness is to keep on plugging away at it!. Either way, change for the better can and does happen! And you deserve it!!

Thanks for reading.

 

 

If People Are Shooting

If people are shooting take off your helmet.

If people are looting take out your wallet

and hand it to a passer-by.

There is no justice in karma, Let the dark side take you

And be careful where you tread, lest you wake the dead

The darkness can be your friend or it will drive you around the bend

But you will see that nature has its own harmony

of taking and giving killing and receiving

Gaia said I’m ready ‘Take Me’ I am still looking for the whole

One day I will look back on this and moan. I Don’t know why.

What was pie in the sky in hell is now real And now the question is

Do I forget? and did I betray you?

The Porcelain Eye

Dusting you with joy was something I enjoyed.

I knew it because of the way it made me feel inside

and to top it off you smiled like a chicken.

 

Cracked and veined, we would walk there and be,

the golden couple, I am back there now

and I wish you were to, to

see the porcelain eye that I have for you.

 

Roses upon black earth I laid at your feet while in

my head beat a foolish beat. How could I have

been so blind at the woman by my side?

 

Fighting birds, fighting bulls, all the world

I would give to have you again my porcelain eye…

 

Horses hooves announce us on a Christmas

romance into the forest where…I fight…

fallen and falling, until the break of day.

 

In a fire built of twigs, marshmallows,

whiskey taste buds burned sour  laughter reaches the trees

under which I get down on my knees and beseech you

never to leave me again

Please.

 

Perhaps my heart still beats that same old foolish beat

that you used to love, perhaps in another in town another street.

I will be found again by somebody new, hurt and broken too

and for them I will have the porcelain eye just like I have for you.