Feu de Glace

If I were a Jet Plane I would fly you to the stars and if you’d already seen that I would fly on to Mars.

And reveal the craters of
Écran bleu where ice dew gathers on the edge of sheer cliffs;

I would traverse the gorges of
Tapis traité and fly blind through under the bridges of Feu de Glace until we were in the core;

There is too much to see, too much to do in an hour.

The sky is ours until noon when satellite forecast predicts grey clouds will swarm into a hurricane heading due East 76 degrees Altitude high. Wind Speed 112 M.p.h Lets get in below and watch. Get the camera ready this will be spectacular.

10:00am Out of hurricane. We got snaps and are heading down to Mexico for a beer. The landing gear has been playing up. Time for a crash landing lesson. Happy days!.
11:00 mid-air refuelling with AC-17 somewhere over Baja California.
11:05 Rocket test and combat with Chinese overfly. Buzzed him back to China!
11:06 Text. Love Is In The AIR xx. Whooooa! Yeah!
11:07 Engage Afterburners. Heading home to see Cathy. CU Soon.x

Atlas Got The Job!

Atlas got the job of holding up the world. One day he might retire or become ill and I’m not done yet. Atlas! Always in the front. Always getting the glory. Well, he did not come from a broken home did he? He did not have a sister to raise and shopping to do every night after school? No! he had a garage with an electric door and tickets to the cinema every weekend. Sob! I could do Atlas job. Just give me a chance! I’m kidding. I used to have Atlas job but I gave it up for art. Now I balance nature and nurture on this slab of rock which actually is just as hard as balancing the world if not more difficult because it’s so small! People like us are built for large not small. I have grown into this role and for once can say I’m truly happy. I now do things in miniature and like the Bonsai, It’s impressive.

164 Words

Tied Down

I was cruising the blackness between Alpha Centauri and BackStation121 when I had to stop. For out of the sky was coming flowers of all colours and dimensions. Like someone had cut a whole between SkyDrive and Planet Bud. And I could do nothing so I turned on the Radio and listened a while to a tune I had never heard before. I noticed the flow was decreasing so I got ready to move off just before a giant plant pot with the word DISEASED written by hand on a label on its base came out and tumbled off into space along with the rest.

A noise escaped me and I half grinned before putting her back into gear and moving off to finish my journey home.

Space Travel

Space travel is a perilous adventure. Asteroids, Space dust, cosmic rays can all clog filters or knock you out of orbit, hurtling you towards the nearest sun. So imagine my surprise when on holiday I found myself cruising towards the pleasure planet of Sol550 and happened to see a fighter class frigate half-way between a fatal collision with a sun and annihilation by a laser beam from enemy cruisers attacking as a pack. With only a radio and a light sabre for self-defence, all I could do was to watch on as the frigate dodged the attack from the attacking cruisers while on a trajectory taking it right towards the burning surface of the sun. Time and time again the cruisers circled and then attacked in formation sending deadly pulses of weapons class laser beams towards the helpless frigate and time after time the frigate managed to dodge and weave around them and return fire damaging the attacking ships and still avoiding the gravitational pull of the sun.

I pulled up from my ascent towards the pleasure planet and tried to radio for assistance but as luck would have it I was out of range of the police force. I sent instead a message in semaphore to all surrounding craft in an emergency code I remembered from college many years passed. Then, with a knot in my stomach I sat and watched and waited for help to arrive.


Through the exterior SCI/FI xxPLANT LIFExxANTSxx



Jim called and I came. There was nothing more to the relationship. I emptied the vending machine and cleaned the openings and chutes and checked the levels of coffee, tea and chocolate. It was time to go on a Friday afternoon and I was full of chocolate powder. It’s surprisingly difficult to eat but very sweet.

Trying to get home was more difficult than usual due to the spikes. Like giant cactus spikes of plant life were now sticking up out of the roads and pathways , car parks and through buildings blocking my way home.

I was wearing a backpack but unfortunately, I had left my cosmic ray gun at home and all I had was a pair of scissors, a nail clipper and a bar of soap.

I kicked over one the smaller spikes to see what would happen and not much did except my foot skidded off my trainers sliding over the smooth hard surface without traction making my fall backwards onto my behind.

‘Ouch’ said a voice.

I turned my head to see the pigtails and happy smiling face of Sara who worked in the canteen. She also finished at 5.00pm. She was not her usual happy self.

‘Did you fall over did you?’ asked Sara playing with one of her blonde pigtails.

‘Its harder than a cactus, or maybe as hard’ I say ‘Probably some form of ancient plant life being stimulated into growth by the recent solar flare activity on Sol,’

‘It has ants,’ Said Sara. I noticed she was crying, for the first time.

I looked at the way she was standing and noticed that her left leg was spattered with blood and that her foot was missing.

‘Ants?’ I asked

There was the sound of a metallic clattering and suddenly the horizon was full of red ants their pincers and feelers waving in the air. A strange screeching filling my eardrums.

Then they were upon us and Sara was severed in two by a particularly large ants choppers. The ants ignored me and went climbing over the strange plant life and into the city centre. I noticed for the first time that there were no cars and no noise except for the sound of my breathing.Nothing. No birdsong, no aeroplanes in the sky nothing.

Why did they ignore me? Why?

As the plant life continued to grow I realised that now things were going to be very different and that my life was on hold, at least until I could see it was over. Whatever it was.

I stood up and shook myself free of the image of Sara being chopped in half by a 12 foot Giant Ant and thought to myself. I am going to need energy and suddenly i was hungry for more chocolate powder.


The Man Who Always Gets What He Came For

The weather was cold and damp but that did not deter James Gerald from getting what he came for this late September evening.

On the lawn, a party was happening and a barbecue was broiling pigs heads and other delicacies.

From where he was standing A piece of coral was visible on the inside window sill sitting next to a potted plant. From outside on the patio, the wooden framed window, painted white reflected the hues of the bonfire that accompanied the barbecue. There was a light drizzle in the air and the temperature was typical of this time of year. All the same, he thought the beer bottle he was holding still felt too cold in his grip.

In his other hand, he held a sorry looking hotdog in a limp bun with onions dropping over the sides along with generous helpings of mustard and tomato ketchup. He was torn between eating and drinking when an attractive brunette interrupted his reverie.

‘James! Hi! Vanessa, Vanessa Richie’ said the wife of the parties host flashing her white teeth and manicured nails. On her ring finger was a platinum band. On her wrist she wore a platinum and diamond bracelet. The light from the bonfire danced in her emerald green eyes and her dark skin gave her a wild allure in the cool night air.

‘Hi Vi,’ said James smiling as they caught up with each other.

‘Are you going to be at the reception at 11.00. There will be prizes!!’said Vanessa grinning her white teeth and pink tongue visible briefly again..

‘I’m not going to be receiving any, though,’ said James. dropping the hotdog into the plant pot in deep shade behind him on the patio.

‘I think I know where your husbands .loyalties lie,’ said James. With his hotdog hand now free he gestured to a group of flannel suited yuppies with floppy fringes who were congregated at the lawns edge.

‘Coders everyone. And non-poachable by all accounts’ said James seriously.

‘Dollar signs,’ said Vanessa with a sigh. She fingered her wedding ring and looked James in the eye.

‘James…You know I always..’ said Vanessa

‘Shhhh ..’ said James

‘Do you remember Radiohead? In Lille?’ asked James

‘Yes, James. How could I forget?


‘Two of my favourite people in town!!’ Said Greg loudly to James and Vanessa.’What are you doing over here? Come and join the party,’ he said leading them off the patio herding  them with his outstretched arm towards the packed out lawn.

‘Didn’t like the food much myself,’ said Greg to James as confidentially as you can imagine someone with his baritone  when surrounded by his friends.

A stage had been set-up on the lawn and several bottles of expensive champagne stood on the table behind. Greg made a show of getting the microphone to work.

‘Good Evening guests, friends, countrymen’ said Greg in what he imagined was his best entertaining style.

‘Tonight, tonight, tonight…’ He mimicked.

James took the device from his pocket which fitted in the palm of his hand. He pressed the trigger.

Suddenly there was a scream as the lights went out plunging the house and garden into darkness.

Then there was the sound of a large SUV skidding on the gravel outside and then the sound of a shot being fired. The sound of a megaphone next. ‘Everybody stand still. This is a robbery. Do not resist.’

Then there was a half-hour during which a team of men wearing balaclavas and night goggles walked amongst the assembled guests ripping off keys, jewellery and watches and phones putting them into bags.

Everything was quiet until there was the sound of the SUV car doors slamming and the engine starting.

‘After them’ screamed Greg

But in the pitch dark and missing their own car keys there was nothing that could be done.

After a few minutes, the lights came back on and the scene of wives sobbing into husbands arms was repeated all over the garden scene.

Greg was back behind the microphone’Look calm down everyone We are all insured Right? The police will be here soon. Everybody stay calm  please.’

Greg then walked down onto the lawn and grabbed a colleague and then walked over to James saying’ James, can you come with us, there’s something I need to do’

‘Of course’ said James, his pockets empty, the infrared switch taken by one of the masked robbers.’Whatever I can do’

Vanessa was left sobbing with a friend  in the garden minus her wedding ring and bracelet given to her as a wedding gift and watched as her two favorite men in the world left almost arm in arm walking purposefully towards the house where there was a landline.

‘I hope you catch whoever did this. And stringing them up would be too good for them’

said James to Greg after he was questioned by police.

‘Thank-you friend’ said Greg

‘I’m heading into town in a taxi’ said James to no-one in particular.’Does anyone want a lift?’

‘I need to get some things,’ said Vanessa ‘but yes, I’ll come with you’

As the taxi left the house and the two of them were sitting next to each other in the back seat a small smile passed over the lips of James Gerald, the man who always got what he came for.


Red Dust From Mars

Upon the morn did Rita shine. Her head bobbing up and down. Groans were heard coming from the room. Then the words ‘faster’,’faster’,’FASTER’. Ginny walked into the room to see Rita on the exercise bike and Brian bashing  the controls of the deficient treadmill.

‘Hi Brian, Rita!’ said Ginny cheerily

‘This piece of shit won’t go anywhere…’ shouted Brian

‘Hello Ginny !’ Rita said, stopping cycling, her head coming to a standstill.

‘So tell, Whats Up,’ said Rita placing her hands on her knees.

‘Nothing much,’ said Ginny, playing with her hair.

‘Hows….whatshisname…Hero..isn’t it?’

‘Oh good thanks and he gave me something you have to see,’ said Ginny taking a red plastic container from her pocket. She twisted the lid off with her left hand and proffered it to Rita like a rare stamp with interesting pictorial features.

‘Whats that? Dirt?’ asked Rita

‘No. It’s Red Dust From… Mars’ said Ginny stressing the last word with emphasis.

‘Hmm’ said Rita reaching into her bag. ‘Guess what I’ve got here,’ said Rita

‘Dunno,’ said Ginny still holding out her hand

‘Hanky,’ said Rita blowing her nose loudly.

‘Ginny take no notice,’ said Brian.

‘Give it here,’ said Rita holding out her hand, still sitting on the exercise bike.


The red container filled with Red Dust From Mars was left on the windowsill of the exercise room. In the night sky, the distant constellations blinked and starlight shone down illuminating the windowsill and half the room. Starlight reflected off the digital readout of the treadmill where drops of human sweat had dried.

And the light shone  on the red box reflecting off its edges. Then the box rattled, and hummed, then the starlight passed.

And the red box just sat there.

Waiting for their return.

Dedicated to My Dad who suggested a sci-fi story might be on the cards…

Mr Dumbfuck

He walked into a restaurant and asked for the manager.

‘Oi. You. Out!’ shouted the manager to Mr Dumbfuck.

‘Look. You owe me for a meal you tight fisted wanker!’ said Mr Dumbfuck angrily.

‘Are you picking a fight with me?’ asked the manager

‘I’ll fight you if I have to you ninny-brained excuse for a meerkat’ replied Mr Dumbfuck calmy. ‘But first I want my money back,’

The two men squared off to each other and if you could see it steam was coming from their ears.

Mrs.Carbody walked in for her morning cup of tea and spied the two men but walked on right past to her usual table.

‘Morning, Mrs Carbody,’said the manager.

‘Dennis,’ acknowledged Mrs Carbody ‘My usual please,’

‘Right away Mrs Carbody,’ said Dennis, the manager.

‘Look you. I want a refund or I’ll be on to trading standards,’ said Mr Dumbfuck poking the managers tie with one stiff finger.’I’ll be waiting over here,’

‘Don’t you poke me you whining middle-class beurocratic nobody,’ said Dennis fuming.

‘I’ll be expecting that refund then,’ said Mr Dumbfuck sitting down.

‘Well this is nice,’ said Mrs Carbody reading a newspaper. ‘Look Dennis, Mabelforth has won regional best-dressed roundabouts 2014! It says councillor Tom Jones will pick up the award at noon on Friday”

‘mmm.Yes Mabelforth is well known for its roundabouts, Mrs Carbody’ said Dennis, the manager.

‘mmm,’ agreed Mrs Carbody.

‘I’m still waiting,’ shouted Mr Dumbfuck.

Dennis glanced at a waitress who came over to where he was. ‘The usual for Mrs Carbody Jane’

‘The usual. Five minutes MmmK?’ said Jane writing down the order on her notepad. She turned and walked back to the kitchen.

Dennis smiled at Mrs Carbody ‘I’ll have that brought over to you when it’s ready,’

Mrs Carbody said ‘Thankyou Dennis,’ and went back to reading her paper.


‘That’s a cup of tea and an Iced finger’ Said Dennis placing the cup and plate containing the iced finger bread on the table.

‘Thats a cup of tea and an iced finger’ mimicked Mr Dumbfuck from the doorway.’Refund, Refund, Refuuuund’ he shouted banging his fist on the table making the cutlery and condiments rattle in their tray.

‘Have you forgotten about me Dennis?’ said Mr Dumbfuck sarcastically.’I’m still waiting’

He stood up and walked over to where Mrs Carbody was sitting. ‘Mrs Carbody’ mimicked Mr Dumbfuck in the style of Dennis, the manager.’ Good morning, Mrs Carbody. How delightful to see you again’ he said picking up the salt cellar and unscrewing the cap. Then he poured the contents into the cup of tea standing on the table’ Would you like sugar with your tea, Mrs Carbody?Would you like me to stir?’he said leaning in close to Mrs Carbody.

Mrs Carbody moved her head back and away from the leering Mr Dumbfuck in fright.

‘Would you like me to stir? repeated Mr Dumfuck now an inch from her face.

A whimper escaped Mrs Carbody as she clenched the table cloth in both hands.

Taking hold of the cup with his hand he lifted it to his face, took a deep sniff of the cup and sighed loudly’ Beautiful..But I prefer it shaken!’ And with that he shook the cup making tea fling all over himself Mrs Carbody and Dennis.’Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Tea for everyone’ said Mr Dumbfuck throwing the cup down. He turned on Dennis and said quietly ‘Now get me my refund’

Tea running down his face Dennis just blinked and looked back at Mr Dumbfuck.

‘I said…’

There was a loud bang and Mr Dumbfuck grunted and fell to the floor jerking like a freshly slaughtered chicken.

‘Something I always keep for emergencies Dennis,’ said Mrs Carbody smiling. In her hand she was holding  a Police Taser, its wires still embedded in the jerking Mr Dumbfuck.

‘Yes Mrs Carbody’ Said Dennis Smiling.

Mr Pianoface

There was once a clunky town. In that town lived Mr Brown. He lived in a clunky house had a clunky wife and two clunky children. He drank his tea from a clunky mug and when he looked into the mirror he saw a reflection of his clunky features. His eyes was uneven and clunky. His eyebrows were one bigger than the other and his nose was the clunkiest nose you ever saw in your whole life. Mrs Brown loved her husband. For all his clunkiestness he was still a good father to his clunky children whom he loved dearly. The Browns did not live in a big house or drive a flashy car. The children did not have many presents at Christmas and on their birthdays. Mrs Brown did not work but stayed and made home and looked after the children. In their own clunky way they were a happy, if somewhat clunky family.

Mr Brown or Chris as he was known (Clunky Chris actually) did not have a hobby until one day the next door neighbours the Greens trundled out an old upright piano into their driveway.

‘A Piano Mr Green,’ said Mr Brown

‘Yes Mr Brown. Its too old and clunky for us. Maybe you know someone who can use it…’

Mr Browns eyes lit up and his larger than the other eyebrow raised itself a few millimetres.

‘I have an idea!’ said Mr Brown.


A few weeks later in the Clunky Browns house Mrs Crimson was giving a piano lesson to Mr Brown.

‘No, not like that’ said Mrs Crimson ‘Al Dente like this,’ and she played a sequence of notes that sent Mr Browns eyebrows up and down and all over the place.

‘Oh dear,’ said Mr Brown, looking crestfallen.

He put his hands above the keys like Mrs Crimson had shown him and read off the sheet music on the rest.

‘A-Cflat -B minor G’ said Mr Brown and then dropped his shoulders’ I’ll never be able to do this’ he said and slammed the lid of the piano shut.

‘Patience is everything Mr Brown’ said Mrs Crimson looking dissaprovingly at Mr Brown.

Mr Brown said a rude word and stormed off upstairs leaving Mrs Crimson looking even more dissaprovingly around.

‘Well…’ Said Mrs Crimson, more to herself than to anyone else.

It was then she noticed two heads peering at her from around the living room door.

‘That was Dad. Don’t worry He’ll calm down’ said the older girl smiling at Mrs Crimson.

‘He’s always losing his concentration, but it doesn’t run on the family’ said the boy, also smiling.

‘I’m Jack and this is Jane’

‘Hello children. Nevermind your father. I’m sure your father knows what he wants, deep down,’ she said mischeivously

‘Now who of you wants to use up the rest of the hour learning how to play the piano,’

Huge grins appeared on the faces of Jack and Jane as they both put up their hands at the same time.

‘me,me’ said the children.

‘One at a time please’ said Mrs Crimson, One at a Time.

And it was like this that the two Brown children became interested in the Piano and after their father who had a good heart came around and paid for their lessons would later play their Mini Grands in Madison Square Garden in front of Twenty Thousand People. They are known as the Brown Siblings. Have you heard of them?