Little by little I suppose it gets inside us; humanity, common and solid.

And all the signposts and cobbled streets that have worn out our shoes

have a destination of a spaghetti junction of a sort. We can go everywhere all from one place.

Imagine God was a gardener as a young man/deity. Now he is old and white curly hair straggles over his shoulders in wisps that blow into his eyes.

A magic pond lies in his garden. A Seeing pool where God can see the future of anything.

Now that’s poetic!

Archetypes and architects vying for control. How does He judge? Throw in a  stone or control without a ripple?

Will Gods plan work for me? It hasn’t been going all that well lately. I can tell you it’s rough at times. So you have to be tough as little by little it gets inside.

Where is God when you need him? Cowering behind the Bougainvillea again

Gods sense of humour. Omnipotently funny! Esp for other deities.

It’s like laughing at the moon for me. I might turn into a werewolf. Ow Owwwww!

Where’s God when you need a policeman? Where’s God when you are lying in bed with the covers held tight in your hands? Little by little our God of old gets usurped by common humanity. We say the Lords Prayer and remember when we last forgave others and the last time we said ‘deliver us from evil’ asking God for help through prayer.

Little by little, I suppose we get closer to God as we age and further from the humanity of our childhoods replaced we hope by wisdom learning and acceptance.

Where is God when people are getting murdered stabbed and in slavery? Where is the God of the sexually and emotionally battered and abused? How many times must we hear a story of souls forsaken by God and humanity and taken before they have had a chance or opportunity to shine?

God made us in his own image. We might not as individuals have the power of thunderbolts like our military and that of our allies so you may say. I am not powerful. I cannot change anything. Whats the point?

The answer is…time for a break. Back in fifteen minutes. We are not slaves. Sometimes just giving up when there is so much else going on is the right thing to do. Don’t blame me. God gave us intelligence to think with like thinking how can I be a good Christian and still get what I want without becoming like my Dad or those neighbours down the road.

How do I get the God out of me and into my life? Well, you are doing it today by reading this. You are doing it all the time. But wouldn’t it be nice to go to church once in a while? or visit a friend? or praise Him in your own special individual way too.

I have never been one for communion. All paper and wine? I have had it explained to me and I do ‘get it’ but week by week it seems irrelevant and anachronistic. Maybe next time I am on holiday.I will take it. God help me!

Well time for that break? Thanks for reading and God Help Us!


Christian Thought #000006

There’s A Weight Lifted Off My Shoulders.

Well, actually I was not carrying it. I had set it down on the side of me because I was tired of the weight.

Then a good samaritan came along and took the load right off me. No shit!

It was one minute there and the next minute gone, diffused through a million channels.

But that was a dream.

In reality I was dreaming of somewhere to do a photoshoot, somewhere industrial and decayed and on the edge of a dis-used quarry.

And I would need a model, dressed appropriately.

Then I woke up.

I went to see my vicar (more tea?) who is a good guy. And he asked me questions like ‘Do you want to get married?’ and about my spiritual journey and it was the best experience of my life.

I told my mother and she fussed over me on the telephone for an hour.

I told my dad and the following day he invited me over to see them. No change there then.

And now I am photographing sweets and posting them online between sips of Ouzo and lemonade. Someone pinch me.

In other news my Catholic friend said I was mad to go Anglican citing hisoric schisms of the Roman Catholic Church which resulted in the Church Of England. Like those events hundreds of years ago are relevant today much to someone like me. The services are nearly identical anyway. And the hymns. I can hear him grinding his teeth or laughing at that. But I am sticking to my protestant guns. FOr now.

Time for another dream sequence

Try this on for size. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaxBWrvQ7dU

When Johnny comes marching home again. Hurrah Guitar guitar.

Listening to the Levellers-The Levellers from 1993. Enjoy

Christian Thoughts #00005

I’ll have a Holy Spirit, please!.

At which time?

3 O’clock please

Anything else madam

Oh Yes. I want it to last all day!

Just getting over a bug is nasty enough without having to make sense.

My jaw aches from this cold. My jaw! I have never had a cold in my teeth before. Wonder!

I have been reading my theology book on my Kindle.


My jaw hurts! I can’t make sense of it.

As a writer, I get the whole questioning something before you put it down onto paper or screen but I was still surprised at the authority theologians speak of something I do only believe in. Who’s faith is it anyway? And theologians seem to have a thorough way of looking at things. (not what I had altogether expected)

This theology. knowledge about my God. Need to know? Who needs to know someone asked me. Well, that sound more like James Bond than faith talking I thought later. Need to know?

The book so far has enriched my soul reading it instead of some mass market paperback that would not hit the same target.It has the range and has hit the soul target once twice three times at least, but I really lost count. It’s a nice feeling though.

It’s not quite so nice when you begin to feel pigeonholed by the turn of phrase which at times can sound severe but to be fair these are some pretty weighty philosophical and theological issues. The Godhead, Scripture, Authority of the Church, Synods, Councils. It is a mighty subject so feel prepared to feel small at times!. And prepare to be uplifted and for some blanks to be filled in especially if like me you haven’t been near a church for a long long time.

I am half way through my book and only half fazed which is a result. I am not going to stop believing no matter what I happen to read and who knows where reading this book might take me?

Thank you, for reading, people of the internet, bye!

Christian Thought #00004

All Is Not Well. There was a penetrating silence. I thought perhaps there were bogeymen outside of my door but when I opened it nobody was there. Just in case I wasn’t feeling good about things (which I was, albeit temporarily) the universe decided to play a cruel joke on me, of the existential variety. I think the stars and the galaxies hate Jean Paul Sartre and conspire to remove feelings of feeling secure (life force and mass? Soul) through random scatterings of concentrated dark matter But I know I am talking rubbish – there is no link to mood and dark matter. I got paranoid and lonesome and my faith deserted me like a rat jumping a sinking ship. I crumpled like a wet rice crispy or Weetabix or cornflake into a thin gruel that was probably slightly foul smelling!

I regenerated, thanks to my regenerating qualities and some favorite music (or maybe the dark matter was diverted by a passing comet!) Now I feel strong enough to help Abraham with the moving on the Ten Commandments with a modern stack truck and pallets. My faith is like grease on an axle, lubricating the torque as it does it work on moving things. Talking of moving things I was thinking of having a bible study class in my room. Apart from the fact I only have one comfy armchair I am good to go. Except for any knowledge of theology! What I would give for a theology degree or diploma! Food for thought I suppose.

Talking of things religious I am listening to dEUS which is French for gOD. How cool am I?

Once (now) I have begun to focus on this religious thing it has become apparent to me that I know very little about modern Christianity. I can apply a simile to my knowledge of Christianity in that if it were like a weed It would be widespread and get in just about everywhere! And be HARD TO REMOVE! Mere ennui cannot erode what Jesus gave Peter to Build Upon His Rock! I wish I were so resilient. What is stronger? me or my faith or faith in general?

A friend contacted me the other day asking to come and visit (see I am not totally sad and lonesome) but I didn’t get his text so missed his visit. Doh! I wish I could get texts to the inbox of my computers email. Perhaps there is a way for me to do this. I will see what follows.

Thanks for tuning into Christian Thought for another installment. (I thought that after three blogs on my Christian Journey I could name it something appropriate) So there it is. Christian thought.


Freedom Is…

Being on a patch of calm water in the middle of a stormy sea.

Being calm in the middle of a raging mob.

Yellow in the middle of reds, blues and greens, oranges and pinks.

Being music in the middle of industrial soundscapes.

Seeing God in the middle of political battles and financial crises.

Reading scriptures amongst the throng of atheists and non-believers

Noticing the colour of someone’s eyes in the middle of a bullet-laden action pic

Feeling strong as you open the door to a stranger

Putting in a complaint about troublesome residents

Living and loving and expecting nothing in return

Praying and expecting it to be heard.

Thinking for yourself and not being a part of the herd.

Christian Thought

OK. I am not perfect. In fact, I am as far away from perfect as you can get. In the past week, I have been umming and ahhing my way as I find out more about the life I might yet lead. Might. I feel mighty real. You make me feel mighty real. Communards Or Bronski Beat or Jimmy Somerville I think. It was a cover version I think. Oh me oh my.

In the past week, and I have had a creeping feeling that this is one share too much, I have had visions of me meeting and greeting a church full of parishioners at the Church door I used to attend during my youth, before going inside and taking the service complete with visiting lay readers and musicians. Ha, you say. You want to be a priest!!

Also in my life my fractured family and I got together at the weekend to celebrate my mothers 69th. Oh. And also I came back home to quiet instead of the usual backbreaking beat of living in (un)supported accommodation.

I put up (out) my Christmas tree today.

Theology. It sounds hard. Bible Studies sounds hard. Lay7 preaching sounds hard. Being an ordained minister sounds even harder and since when has a midnight encounter with God one cold November night counted as a spiritual awakening? Or a calling? But like having a wallet full of cash while walking through a futuristic shopping mall I feel something pulling at my synapses and soul. Is it the call?

I have mental health problems of the Schizo depressive kind. I am overweight. I am 42. I lost all my material possessions in 2005. I was hospitalised ion 2009 with a psychotic episode. I am nervous, shy, weird. How could the priesthood possibly be for me? Words have power, especially when they are written down. Perhaps I should hide my faults but that’s not my way really. At least I am honest.

I am imagining talking to a vicar.’The Meeting’ in which i pour out my sorry soliloquy about how i intend to break with tradition and make a church full of art that goes to festivals and spreads a dual knowledge of art and God, love and life, the scriptures and their interpretations in a holistic, harmonious, inclusive vision I have for my flock that also includes churchwardens, summer fayres, Christmas parties, cubs and scouts and promotion.

It’s all hardly thought through and a millions of miles from my current situation ‘ In Limbo’ as I see it at times.’Better Late than Never’ he would say ‘But…’

*Your grammar sucks.
*you know no theology. (zero, zilch, nada)
*you are burned out.
*your art is childish.
*you have no discretion.
*you do not attend church

I read today that lay readers going in for training should attend church for at least six months and become known to both members of the congregation and priest before commencing training. How long for a priest?

In my other ear is half a conversation I had with a FB friend who was talking about the C of E being ritualistic. By saying this, did he mean ritualistic in a mind-numbing shallow sort of way or’ritualistic in an enriching, inclusive sort of worship? One can only guess.

After a conversation at the weekend with someone who has taken services but is not ordained or a lay preacher/reader. Taking a service!?! I feel that there is much to be learned from talking to parishoners who are actively involved in church life beforfe taking a plunge into the unknown (reading too perhaps) Networking? Is this church networking?I am a church yuppie. Wheres my filofax and mobile phone? I can see myself lectionary under one arm and Hymms ancient and modern in my back pocket pigeonholing people and digging for gold. Ecumenical assassin Watkins! (thats enough imagination for one day.: ed)
Parable Anyone?