Act 1
Well, what a life, commented freshwater prawn to no-one in particular.
Indeed, said Crawfish. Indeed.
What about life? said Mussel eager to get a word in.
It’s all above us, moaned shrimp
Au contraire, said Pedipalp, Its below in the shingle bed and mud.
It’s here, said Crab
What? said, everybody
The entertainment! said crab doing a little crab dance like a demented Macarena.
The long black carriage driven by water horses pulled up behind Airs Pebble, the biggest pebble on this side of the water.
Nothing moved then a door opened and a foot appeared. It was a pointed foot not unlike the end of a Tiger Prawns body but of course it was not. It was red. And it had a sucker on it. Many suckers in fact too many to count.
Talk about making an entrance complained Shrimp
Then there was a new vibration. Like the thump of a car, doors closing. And out swam / walked an angelfish. Such a beauty was not lost on the crowd who were soon lulled into a swaying obedience by the subtle way in which the angelfish turned its body and eyes while maintaining perfect equilibrium like a deep sea oil rig but more angelic, colourful and poised. Not like an oil rig really.
I present, said angelfish, Octopussy!
Then seven more tentacles with suckers seemed to grow out of the space that was the door of the coach before a wicked looking beak peered its head outside followed by a glowing white body that pulsed and blew out ink in tiny jets.
Blarrrrgghhh said Shrimp
Shush said the others
Helloooooooooo! said Octopussy, Now we can all go inside.
Hello, said the gathered crowd,Now we can all go inside.
Now we can all go inside, said crab doing another dance.
Exeunt various molluscs and pedipalp, angelfish and Octopus (or squid)
Act 2
the molluscs and crabs are gathered in front of a stage. while Octopussy and Angelfish occupies a pebble overlooking stage right.
Enter Frog
Ribbit, APPLAUSE. Ribbit.
Enter Newts complete with tutus.
We are the dancing newts. We like it when it is cute. Don’t ask us to cause it all moot! sang the newts while sashaying across the stage from left to right and back again.
We are the newts, don’t get cute! APPLAUSE. Flowers were thrown on stage, well Canadian Pond Weed actually but the newts love it and swim between it and pose for the clamshell photographers before being ushered off by a gang of tadpoles.
Ribbit, next act, APPLAUSE said frog.
Well I am not I’m..started shrimp
Shush Shrimp! said prawn the obvious superior in might and in his opinion everything else too.
I will not do that! said shrimp drawing itself up to its full height of about 1 and a half centimetres.
Pathetic! said Prawn ignoring him
Shrimp launches himself at prawn and the two lock legs and go tumbling off cartwheeling like empty shells on the current.
Empty shells make the most noise, exclaimed Pedipalp
Someone Split them up! said mussel
Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit in the stalls please
Lobster 1 and lobster 2 came from the exit doors and marched down towards the stalls where shrimp and prawn were tumbling like circus artists.
Break it up now then lets go outsside said Lobster taking the pair in one giant claw.
Ribbit , ribbit said frog eagerly. RiBBIT!
Enter Shark
APPLAUSE
(clears throat)
My vegetarianism
doesn’t mean I won’t look at him
when he is eating the meat of another being But
I will see that his chest remains as empty
as his mind that I have filled with remorse for what he has taken from the riches of the waters clean.
This is my mission, which despite opposition, I have not forsaken.
Shark Bows to the audience.
APPLAUSE
Muppet! shouted Shrimp now back inside
At least he had a hand up his backside! Said prawn
Such humility, yet such brawn, said pedipalp, amused.
Ribbit, Ribbit, APPLAUSE said frog.
Exit Shark
to be continued…
