Saturday Night Sexual Attraction

Mom, I know you think I can amuse myself to hell and back for Britain one day but today I really need to have one of those big white lollipops with coloured shapes in Pleeeease!

I never got much sexual attraction on a Saturday night growing up more hormones and less smooth moves than I possess now even after two four packs of Budweiser.

Getting drunk on Thunderbird blue was suggested and I partook only to find out when I looked back at my life that it all seemed like a waste of time. Duh!

Now a sex life is something amusing like a cat with only two legs and a set of wheels.

Disabled sex. Strap On Dicks. Dildo fellatio. Rimming. Bumming. Fucking.Hell!

There are too many people in this room.No, don’t go!

Sometimes I go for a walk. And on that walk, I find all sorts of things to amuse me.

like Saturday Night Sexual Attraction. It’s on replay. Rocket Man! The birds have flown away leaving their seed on the ground. Peck peck. I have had it up to here (indicates NECK)

Buried in the desert in the sand with olives for a brain and figs up my nose and ants on the prowl in a merry procession around my head like some Disney cartoon. They didn’t show it when a monkey sat on my head did a shit then ate it. Break for the rolling NEWS.

Cartoons were fun.


Sweaty cracks.

Armpit farts.

Red alert.

Condom failure in the dark.

Oh God was that my memories ?

What a waste.

Are you bored?

Got a tale to tell?

Got iPhone brain?

Sorry, that was lame of me. I meant to say. I really nothing ! Ho Ho!.

Do you feel facilitated? Does your iPhone extend you into new and exciting realms of possibility? What about me?

I liked the old Nokia with their simple ringtones. Like campfire songs they were making the impersonal meaningful like alphabet spaghetti with brown sauce.

Have  I lost you? Hello?

What are these? Panties and a… phone number. Now I know I have hit the big time.

oh! blue balls to you as well. HYPOCRITE! Go to Hell.

Ants in a petri dish don’t get scared they just move faster and faster around and around until they meet someone going the other way then they do this alien greeting with their

feelers you know that little smelling pheromone touchy feely thing that I discovered as a child with a fascination… If I had been serious I would have named it or videoed it but I just remember seeing it and thinking I understood that some sort of communication was going on small sized like tiny radio handsets or something.

Hello Ant252589213459 calling!

Hello Ant252589213459 this is Ant 5687456235865!

Howdy there are you ready to go feeler to feeler

Ready When You Are!

And then the ballet ensues.

I suppose I might have had some other vignette to share but that’s it really.

I set myself little goals and then go for it. Y’ Know?


Thanks for reading.


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