On The Phone With a Bone Shaped Cone

It’s past six and I feel like I have achieved nothing today. OK. I did write something earlier but it wasn’t great and I did steal images from google to illustrate it with. So the Angel on my shoulder says. The devil on the other shoulder is not there – he’s probably on holiday in the Bahamas with underage girls raising hell on the some beach resort whilst smoking heroin cigarettes , snorting cocaine out of the crack of some prostitute he picked up while f*****g the Mayors Daughter doggy style while eating hi calorie crisps (chips). While shooting immigrants (too far?) He is the Devil. Meanwhile the idiot profanity scared do gooder sitting on my other shoulder is wondering if he should take Mary Whitehouse to tea or Hymns Ancient And Modern to bed for some light reading entertainment. Psalm anyone?

Me? What do I do? Well I write about the damn infernal things f***ing up my head from the inside while I try to live outside in the world. Sound too profound? I don’t know. I think therefore I am.And I do it without thinking (half the time) so does that mean that someone else is doing the writing? My Ego or SuperEgo? Or is that too profound? Should I take to the stage or write a play? Heard that line before? Never. Good. PetShopBoys. My monitors white balance is fucked. It flashes pink,green,white,grey,yellow. It is about ten years old, still I will probably just move to another monitor as I have another. Now I have moved monitors. Hurrah. I can finally see what I doing although the contrast is not as pronounced on this monitor so its hard to see the blacks. Third monitor and I can see OK but the light is shining down on my keyboard from my desk-lamp so I can’t read the letters on the keys!

I should probably give up and leave for some deserted island where there is an inexhaustible supply of pen and paper. Not really. I also have a laptop. Why all these computers you ask?

Well I kind of accumulated them after I got a laptop I got a cheap second hand desktop one for study then another cheap second hand one for Drawing and images manipulation thingies, games and distractions.And if you’re wondering why that makes three monitors well I already had one that I used for television before I got my new 32″ HD with FireTV Stick. Amazon are you listening? I am giving you free exposure on my blog. Thats worth at least a months PRIME, No?

Hey I once thought it looked good to have three monitors on your desk now I know its better if all three work the same way that you have a room light on instead of a desk-lamp and that there isn’t enough space for one keyboard let alone two and a bottle of beer. Budweiser are you listening?

Whatever next?

I might find a girlfriend and stop writing as she takes over my life. Ha Ha ha. Just scaring myself. No girl could be that bad…surely not. Still I am not 18 anymore. I am not 28 anymore. I am 38 give or take a few weeks. In my prime (Amazon are you listening?) If you want to help then drop me an email and we can chat or Skype!

I need my laptop on this desk.Back in a bit…

There. Service has been resumed. Insert profound piece of poetry.



No matter how many faces we see the world over,

No matter what makes us weak one day will make us bolder.




Published by Andrew Mark Watkins

Self-taught artist and writer

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