Upset The Poor Applecart

This post is about my sleep problems and comorbid conditions. If you don’t feel up to it please skip to the next post from another blog you follow. I won’t be offended!

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One day I decided that while I was being chased in my dreams around futuristic hotel complexes by half illustrated half natural forms creatures that I would get a haircut. I thought I would go for a Vogue cover circa 1980 and have my hair coiffured into some multicolour fashion with plenty of attitude and makeup to go with it.

Then when awake I noticed that I was tired and yet I had not done anything much except spend all day asleep.Think Like the iguana smelling a rose, who was perplexed that something that could taste so dear could smell so good also. So his eyes moved independently of each other looking for something else to eat or smell because the rose was his undeclared favourite in both areas but as he couldn’t do both so he needed a substitute.

In my dreams I am fully awake and fully switched on insomuch as I don’t need a large hot chocolate to get me going or a few energy bars to stop me falling asleep. Espresso please! Anyway. So I am fully awake and aware of  my surroundings which aren’t so complicated. In my head is a stunning running commentary of what is happening, why I am running and where to , who from, why and everything! So why isn’t it like that during my waking hours. I can barely function. I can type at my keyboard a few words together but my collar bone is aching. My forearm is aching. My temples are aching. My thighs are aching. Its like I have just woken up and haven’t quite shook off the previous nights sleep. All fucking day.

Come on doctor, (who I know won’t read this) What the fuck is up in Trumpton? I have been suffering from this for over ten years and nothing has made things any better. I still sleep more hours that I am awake, probably. I still have aching fingers while typing this email. My thighs ache. My tongue aches. How is it that I have not achieved anything in the past ten years? A lack of talent or ability? A lack of opportunity? or a lack of energy? I think that therefore…

There are so many fanglewords that throw back this assumption, theres one -assumption . I will instead use the word ‘fact’. Facts can be contradicted. Amended in light of discovery. Words can change meaning. But I will still be tired. Is it that science doesnt have any answers? Why can’t I function for more that a few hours every day? What does science have to say except ‘We need to reset your sleep rhythm?’

Science does not have any easy answers to give. I am currently being treated for Schizo-Affective Disorder or Schizophrenia depending on what you read. The meds have made me put on weight which has affected my energy levels I have noticed. I feel so bloated it’s horrible like  being stuck in some fat person body.

But the doctors concentrate on the drugs I am taking. They forget about the side effects and the negative consequences these can produce that can’t be erased by a swift course of anti-depressants also prescribed.

And the constant positive talk which sounds good misses some of the salient points about having a disability. You are not able to function as a normal person might in the same circumstances. This does your confidence the world of good. You cannot go for a day without medication. This again is another’s of Gods confidence boosters. You cannot do anything without first consulting parents or carers. This has its good and bad points.

In the following week, I will attend a tribunal where it will be decided if I should receive Personal Independence Payment. I have had both my parents send in a letter which supports my case although I haven’t seen them. While  I love my parents I cannot help but think that they as they said at a recent visit that I have an overactive imagination will not help matters much.

What a judge knows about disability I don’t know. Or a GP. At least there will be someone there who has experience of disability.

I don’t know much about Sleep disorders or sleep walking. I don’t know why I need so much sleep yet only one day in fifty wakes up feeling like I had a good nights sleep. Life is so miserable. Help!

I have found some resources in my area which may be of help to me in helping with Circadian regulation some of which I feel is not helping me as well as the place that I live also. Such resources are available widely and an internet search should result with some helpful leads.

This is not medical advice. But  there are  scientists and alternative therapists who specialise in sleep disorders.Good luck with that.

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