Happy New Year!
Such things occur, as they are wont to do. No?
And the wind does change and a northerly blows past your window!
Succour for the masses gathered in their classes. Huh?
Not tonight my friend!
Tonight is Your Life!
BANG! You are dropped on your head and given a bed and swaddling clothes. These are yours to shit and puke on! You are a baby my friend and your drive everybody around the bend, right around the bend!
BANG! You have a toddling pen and toys. You make a VERY LOUD NOISE! Congratulations You are a toddler! The terrible twos make way for the Really threes and the Fairly fours and now Five is knocking at your door and girls are paying attention to you. What to do. THROW A TANTRUM!
BANG! You are ten and life is academic. The apes descended from the trees and colonised the earth, reproduced and became men with briefcases and laptops and mobile phone. One day soon You pray for good results and at grammar school a PLAAACE!
BANG! An automobile accident and you lose your sister and a limb. life will never be the same again. Twelve is a difficult age enough without this LIMB THING!
BANG! You’re sixteen and its time to leave home. To boarding school, you will go along with your books and strange PECCADILLOS for frogs and other limb reproducing things. Along with your books goes an APPRECIATION for GOD and the OTHER which you discovered quite by accident while looking for a spanner to fix your WHEELCHAIR.
BANG! You’re seventeen and have long hair and you and a million others share the same taste in music. And in Girls, you meet your soulmate. You find a dinner date. You stamp your foot and she gives you that LOOK. You propose and get ENGAGED. Cummerbands are all the rage at WHITE WEDDINGS for you and your bride.
BANG! You’re eighteen and you lose a baby to a miscarriage of justice. The FIRST of MANY. You get a beard to go with your ponytail. Your missus starts wearing black. Your nickname is JACK of all trades. You get a job parking trolleys.
BANG! You are 21! You get a mortgage to go with your suicidal wife who blames herself. You get a promotion to SECURITY and spend your days deciding which SHOPLIFTERS to let go or PROSECUTE to the full extent of the LAW.
BANG! You have a kid aged 31 who plays the wilds in you like a devil and brings your wife down to earth and HEAVEN. At last, you can play at happy families at DO IT YOUR OWN WAY!
BANG! Your forty and divorced! You live in a bedsit in a shitty part of town. Your kind are not WANTED. Disabled and divorced… Your kid doesn’t want to know you…
You buy the rope and measure the drop. Two foot should be enough.