Big Red Race Car

Vrummmmmmm, Vrummmmm

Mirror, signal,  manoeuvre

How am I doing? Anything coming?


I’ve got a big rad race car

It’s made up of parts of me

Really I’m a machined pice of engineernig

of glistening pieces , of glistening pieces.

oiled and lubed up the eyballs blue, eyeballs blue.


I can’t see, youre in the way. Just tell me


Your fine. you can …GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sorry, my foot slipped onto the accelerator there.

You can go!


Hurrah! We’re driving…Put the stereo on. something rocking…

’cause we doing it violent, Big and silent, big and silent, midnight violence

‘What did you say?

Crap. Was I speaking out loud?

Did You say something about midnight violence?

Yeah sitting pretty in the city and crying at the violence going on all around us

Yeah right…

Let us pray ‘We want no more violence here today’

You’re not funny.

But I’m saying all the right things ,baby. Don’t you trust me anymore?

(turns away)

(accelerates) Let’s go honey. Let’s go…

I don’t want to. Turn around.

Oh, Honey..not tonight..You promised.

Don’t turn this around on me. You..Paedophile!!!


Turn around. I’m not going. Stop the car.

SCREEEEECH. Tires smoking rubber. Passenger door open the SLAMS shut.

Get OUT! GET OUT? GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! (bangs on the roof)

Groans here we go again.

I saw in your favourites Nubiles.Net.

Ohh Aww that’s not porn?

Not porn. it’s underage girls.

No, it isn’t

Yes it is

No, it isn’t

Don’t I turn you on baby? Aren’t I enough for you?

Don’t start that again.

Baby, I need You I loved you do you remember?

Well, all that can be turned round. Just a phone call and it’s all over baby blue.

Walks round to the other side of the car.

Come on then hit me again

Slaps her HARD

Big in the city tonight huh?. Get in the car bitch and shut your face.

Fuck you asshole. I got a gun.


Whooah Big boy! Don’t cha lose your cool now? Don’t forget Daddy rules (waves the gun around)

Where did you get that?

Of Lemmy. He came around to my way of thinkin’.

Lemmy huh? I knew he can’t be trusted.

Well he can be and there’s more of us than you Daddy cool so hand over the keys

They’re in the ignition.

Well, this is where you and I say good-bye Daddio. (blows HIM a kiss)

Get in the car and turns up the stereo.

‘FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON’ (fires twice out the window)

She Accelerates and drives off into the horizon sending up clouds of dust and smoke.


Published by Andrew Mark Watkins

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