Haunting is spooky. No other word for it.
Bear with me. I that is I when I say I
is referring to me. But which bit of me?
If I means who I am then it also includes
old hopes and dreams doesn’t it? Back
to haunting. If I achieve a dream that I had forgotten about
or even thought I had abandoned that dream a long time ago.
How can I say I achieved this dream honestly when I had forgottten all about it?
Why does thinking about this dream make all the details zoom out like city map which then reveals the globe. It make me feel like a lazy gyet for achieving it now years later whatever it was. I am so confused AND spooked!
Is it because I was so much more of a go-getter back then or more of a dreamer back then?
Should I be grateful that I am still working at fulfilling old dreams even though I can’t remember the last time I thought of it. Is this just de ja vu on wheels? Or did i deceive myself into looking the other way till I fulfilled my dream?
Or am I right to feel SPOOKED for reaching the summit I once saw and thought – I can do that but first I need to fulfil these requirements which presumably I sensed was done hence ‘I did it!’ And if I lied, killed, burned, raped and pillaged along the way therefore reaching my ends through deception and foul means even though it was a forgotten dream like Mercedes Benz would I get into heaven?
Fifteen to twenty years later I go ‘Oh that’s done’ and wonder ‘what?’
I sense that this could be a book idea. Any thoughts?
The man who…