The Past

Haunting is spooky. No other word for it.

Bear with me. I that is I when I say I

is referring to me. But which bit of me?

If I means who I am then it also includes

old hopes and dreams doesn’t it? Back

to haunting. If I achieve a dream that I had forgotten about

or even thought I had abandoned that dream a long time ago.

How can I say I achieved this dream honestly when I had forgottten all about it?

Why does thinking about this dream make all the details zoom out like city map which then reveals the globe. It make me feel like a lazy gyet for achieving it now years later whatever it was.  I am so confused AND spooked!

Is it because I was so much more of a go-getter back then or more of a dreamer back then?

Should I be grateful that I am still working at fulfilling old dreams even though I can’t remember the last time I thought of it. Is this just de ja vu on wheels? Or did i deceive myself into looking the other way till I fulfilled my dream?

Or am I right to feel SPOOKED for reaching the summit I once saw and thought – I can do that but first I need to fulfil these requirements which presumably I sensed was done hence ‘I did it!’ And if I lied, killed, burned, raped and pillaged along the way therefore reaching my ends through deception and foul means even though it was a forgotten dream like Mercedes Benz would I get into heaven?

Fifteen to twenty years later I go ‘Oh that’s done’ and wonder ‘what?’

What!?

I sense that this could be a book idea. Any thoughts?

The man who…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s