You’d think I have it. I wonder myself. But then it clicks. Failure. Failure dents confidence. And it’s not something that’s always on is it. It’s like a light bulb. Or is it like the stars always in the background? Always up there with arrogance and less savoury survival characteristics?
I think that my confidence had been largely misplaced throughout my life. I have learnt to the detriment of some other part of me that sometimes it takes confidence to succeed but also that at other times saying what you are thinking is enough.
This philosophy has helped me a lot recently as I battled with mental illness and finding myself in a new part of town with no mates. Often it was the small things that brought me on to new things that I now couldn’t live without. That is not to say that it hasn’t been hard and difficult. It has. It has been lonely, cold, intense, fear inducing, alienating solitude.
Confidence?
I'm bilaterally deaf, schizophrenic, autistic, talented individual. I can see you thinking...What was his day job? Well, I am a qualified systems engineer and i worked in computers. To be honest I can't remember what I wrote in my bio which I deleted. I write I draw, It is my goal in life to be anything but facsimilia. I believe life is duodecimal, you live you die, dark. Some call this depression and indeed I am a depressive schizophrenic. To be something is a great thing-some call it drosophilae syndrome(to be studied), a term I coined myself. As I appreciate in words as I get older sometimes it helps to remember what it was like being a child with drosophilae syndrome where the other is to be seen. This is why I draw and write. 