You are fully functioning like a machine but you are not a machine, you are my mother. I try and circumvent unpleasantness but you force me right on back to your robot arm for another wrestle. Your Unfair advantage seems to make no difference. You want to win. We talk in between of inconsequential things to me that is, badges and admissions, All I want, all I am seems alien to you.I explained this to you from a male/female perspective from my eleven-year-old mind but you threw it aside like bad vegetables insisting it was my fault. I had transgressed the boundaries again. Boo hoo. I cried again in my room. No-one came. 30 years on not much have changed. you keep me at arms length close enough to control far enough away. I don’t cry anymore. And I rarely wonder. In truth, I don’t blame you for my problems, alone. It’s only feelings, right? And they get in the way – in the way of happiness, right? Can feelings alone make you happy? Isn’t happiness a feeling not a response to some favourable outcome. Well, that’s moot! The word moot makes me happy. I have little in this world and am not sure how to evaluate my happiness. Every time I try I end up making a fool out of myself. It seems impossible to pin down intellectually anyway! Let me guess though…It is not a snapshot …it’s a process…yadda yadda yada! I remember when I examined my life through my untrained mind in terms of happiness and success. the two seemed interlinked and one seemed in some way, like a dog chasing its own tail, to feed off each other replenished by effort, fortuity etc. and I did not like to admit it at the time but the stars held some heavenly sway like cosmic spotlights singling you out for a day of fame.I decided to continue as I was until one day I found that some other thing distracted me. These distractions were interesting! And one day I thought I’d pack in the daily grind and live for the distractions instead of the certainty. The rest is history. Scroll down for more distractions and check out the menu at the top of the page for more of what I do now and hope to do more of in the future. Be a pal, follow me!