I was hungry so I went to the shop and bought some biscuits, ones that are good for dunkin’.
I rummaged in my pocket to see what change I had. All I could see were two fifty pees with the Three Lions on them. This was almost as far back as 1993. Still I had enough for a pot noodle too. A right old feast would now ensue.
I boiled the kettle ignoring the bits of limescale that floated near the bottom and made myself an extra sugar mug of tea in an oversized mug. Let’s sit down and enjoy what’s on the telly, Its Ainsley Harriot Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook. Next is Supermarket Sweep. I can’t go wrong it seems today. (hip-hip-hurray)
I turn up the box and open my packet of biscuits. Loose biscuits fall in a shower over my jeans and into the cracks between the cushions of the sofa. Fucking hell! I move my cup of tea from the arm of the sofa to the television table while I gather biscuits and spread crumbs all over the floor where they lay ready for the hoover.
I sit down again and notice I am sitting on my keys. I retrieve them from my back pocket and lay them on the sofa next to me. and reach for a biscuit but they are not there. I have left them on the television table. And the cup of tea. I stand up and walk over and get them and then walk back and sit down again.
The phone rings. I go answer it. it is my mother asking me of I will be home for Christmas. I tell her I guess so. We talk for five minutes and then I go to continue what I began. I need a cigarette. I go find my pack and light up in my bedroom then I return to the living room and see a pigeon fly past the window.
I go and sit down under the window. I realise that I need an ashtray. I go to the kitchen where there is an ashtray and flick my ash on the floor before I carry it back to the living room.
I pick up the cup of tea. and drink it in one gulp.
I look at the biscuits who stare back at me accusingly. Why didn’t you eat me as promised? they implore of me. I look back innocently and think. Ha, thats destiny!!