OK. I am not perfect. In fact, I am as far away from perfect as you can get. In the past week, I have been umming and ahhing my way as I find out more about the life I might yet lead. Might. I feel mighty real. You make me feel mighty real. Communards Or Bronski Beat or Jimmy Somerville I think. It was a cover version I think. Oh me oh my.
In the past week, and I have had a creeping feeling that this is one share too much, I have had visions of me meeting and greeting a church full of parishioners at the Church door I used to attend during my youth, before going inside and taking the service complete with visiting lay readers and musicians. Ha, you say. You want to be a priest!!
Also in my life my fractured family and I got together at the weekend to celebrate my mothers 69th. Oh. And also I came back home to quiet instead of the usual backbreaking beat of living in (un)supported accommodation.
I put up (out) my Christmas tree today.
Theology. It sounds hard. Bible Studies sounds hard. Lay7 preaching sounds hard. Being an ordained minister sounds even harder and since when has a midnight encounter with God one cold November night counted as a spiritual awakening? Or a calling? But like having a wallet full of cash while walking through a futuristic shopping mall I feel something pulling at my synapses and soul. Is it the call?
I have mental health problems of the Schizo depressive kind. I am overweight. I am 42. I lost all my material possessions in 2005. I was hospitalised ion 2009 with a psychotic episode. I am nervous, shy, weird. How could the priesthood possibly be for me? Words have power, especially when they are written down. Perhaps I should hide my faults but that’s not my way really. At least I am honest.
I am imagining talking to a vicar.’The Meeting’ in which i pour out my sorry soliloquy about how i intend to break with tradition and make a church full of art that goes to festivals and spreads a dual knowledge of art and God, love and life, the scriptures and their interpretations in a holistic, harmonious, inclusive vision I have for my flock that also includes churchwardens, summer fayres, Christmas parties, cubs and scouts and promotion.
It’s all hardly thought through and a millions of miles from my current situation ‘ In Limbo’ as I see it at times.’Better Late than Never’ he would say ‘But…’
*Your grammar sucks.
*you know no theology. (zero, zilch, nada)
*you are burned out.
*your art is childish.
*you have no discretion.
*you do not attend church
I read today that lay readers going in for training should attend church for at least six months and become known to both members of the congregation and priest before commencing training. How long for a priest?
In my other ear is half a conversation I had with a FB friend who was talking about the C of E being ritualistic. By saying this, did he mean ritualistic in a mind-numbing shallow sort of way or’ritualistic in an enriching, inclusive sort of worship? One can only guess.
After a conversation at the weekend with someone who has taken services but is not ordained or a lay preacher/reader. Taking a service!?! I feel that there is much to be learned from talking to parishoners who are actively involved in church life beforfe taking a plunge into the unknown (reading too perhaps) Networking? Is this church networking?I am a church yuppie. Wheres my filofax and mobile phone? I can see myself lectionary under one arm and Hymms ancient and modern in my back pocket pigeonholing people and digging for gold. Ecumenical assassin Watkins! (thats enough imagination for one day.: ed)