Old B Is off to the laundrette

Looking for some trouble to get to know

stop off for a pint on the way back

End the day lying on his back

Old B is off to the DHSS

With mobile in his pocket and an 11.00 am

with a plastic associate to help him

get some dollars for messing around with

Old B is off to the Pub

With a here and a here and a game of pool

He sets the words to rights and is

his right hand is friend and fool.

Old Old B Is getting evicted

Still he smiles at the evictor and makes jokes

Nothing’s too much trouble for this twisted

twisted loved up criminal

Old B is now a bum officially

until he lands again on his feet

An old Greek saves him from the streets

And a two bedroomed flat is his recompense.

Old B has got a story to tell

He’ll make you balls turn blue and

give you a thrill as the liquor flows down his neck.

Join in and get him pissed, then sit back and watch.

Old. Old B knows everyone round and about

and works for half of them helps the other half out

When he is needing he is met by giving

and brings home things all day long.

Old B is meeting his friend

And stories are told leading up to going out

And you stay at home and wonder if the magic

will rub off on you own boring life.

Good Old B. You mention something a bit of the other

and out rolls a speech not unfriendly

about how he once knew a queer who

was as hard as nails and had no mates.

Old B went to Borstal in his youth

then graduated to adult prisons when

his luck ran out and his home was raided

just more fun for the jailhouse bum.

Old B used to do over banks for fun

and wrapped in a plastic bag was a gun

used to scare the Spaceballs agasint the wall

then back to his family in the Cotswolds.

Old B was a character from a shared house from long ago

He would fight for the weak and bring down the strong

So we could sit together and sing a long

Despite his faults, despite his faults he was a mate.

Name changed to protect the innocent.

Published by Andrew Mark Watkins

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