Saturday Thoughts

Why do I always…moan…

end up in mental opposition of my parents and relatives…
feel crap small worthless and alone…
unable to meet even my most base functions…
Listening to music I haven’t listened to in years…
Feeling like I am worthless…
Feeling like it’s my fault…
Feeling hopeless…
undermined…
ignored…
unwanted…
end up talking about my feelings…

Cause they all get me down, frustrated or both.
and I know how to communicate this to others
and I know they will listen more than those who
should. Well, that’s the explanation that makes most sense or way it feels sometimes after speaking to my mother. Fuck Off!
I feel like I am being rewritten in some new conformist image where independent thought while allowed goes through a vetting procedure, checks and measures, safety checks, quality control before being uttered by which time it has been made into something huge when nothing ever changes. If they could put their effort into making a real change then instead of making me feel better they could actually make things better. So the story goes.But this is exactly what they seem to want. Me to be down on them.. But this is a misunderstanding based on my knowledge and misdirected probably confused anger. Why have I been left here to rot? I am so used to my own company that other people seem offensive to my person. What if I want to fart? I would say boo to a goose rather than fart at someone. And people think it so clever to fart loudly. But I wish I had their confidence and complete disregard for manners. This is untrue as I quite like my predilection for manners even though everyone is trying to drag me down to their level of the screaming banshee, drill sergeant or strong silent type. Not that there’s anything wrong with the strong silent type.

It’s so much hassle keeping house isn’t it. Cooking washing, shopping, laundry, dusting, cleaning the loo. It’s all poo.

I am listening to Garbage Shirley Mansun, Butch Vig Steve something. And they are telling me I’m better off dumb. Well, that’s one opinion.

I found a book on Amazon about the Craft Of Directing. I am reading it. It is by Katie Mitchell. Mitchell…You’re a Mitchell aren’t you? Or are you a Branning (excuse me while I get distracted) Katie Mitchell is viewed by at least one National newspaper as an Auteur (spelling?) which I take to mean that she is an Avant-Garde Director in the same vein as European Auteurs such as ¬†names escape me for the moment so I improvised. There’s some backstory for you.(for me) because writing is a form of acting especially non-fiction/fiction/entertainment like this blog is. If you are an actor or aspire to be a director and fancy a look you can find it here. Everybody else can bog off!
(only joking)

Well, it’s the weekend again. 48 hours of good weather is predicted. good news for all you bookworms who have a garden of their own. You can fart in peace all weekend long. Have a good time!

Published by Andrew Mark Watkins

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