Writing Exercise 365 day novel – Satire

I’ve only got a few of the facts, but I have an audience of willing lemmings who will laugh at anything I say, ascribe meaning and morality to the most trite populism I spout making people laugh and tackling today’s Big Issues I am a satirist. Oh yes, I have a very popular following so I don’t care if you diss me, In fact, diss me, it only proves that the guilty are listening and that my existence is justified. Fnar, Fnar. OOOOOHHHHHHHH.Serious Faces. Ridiculous caricatures of (important) people doing their important job. They’re just people who drink wank or fuck, give and take bribes, look out for themselves and loved ones and the satirists favorite, cronies. He one of Tonies cronies said they during the ‘presidential like reign’ of tony Blair and Alistair Campbell and the slimy one, er Peter Mandelson They are all guilty! Of the satirists crime list which I can’t be bothered to write down. Just check out one of the ‘satire’ shows on your television screens or in print and you will see that not only are the satirists ‘cleverly’ exposing that nations celebrities for what they really are but they are doing it in a sophisticated way. So Jump ON the bandwagon and laugh, laugh till you false teeth fly out of your mouth. Take a photograph of yourself and send it into the television with a witty caption like ‘Britains Foreign Policy’ and watch as educated men crease themselves laughing at your razor wit.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a writer for the television show HIGNFY. I sit drinking hot chocolate from the office machine which is only 15 pence. Or EUROS. Bloody Europe, If they can’t leave our sausages alone or insist on putting a mile of red tape around our Melton Mowbray Pork Pies Or paying farmers to plant weeds instead of cows (the more ridiculous the better) they are telling my boss that I require two fifteen minute breaks every day instead of my usual three hour adjournment to the local hostelry where I, along with my fellow educated men of pens check out the status of the current page 3 girls to see if they are still showing nipples. It’s satire, not smut you benefit claiming, Burberry aspiring, benefits street pleb! I am a satirist and nobody is safe. Well it is coming to the end of my day at the ‘office’ and I feel like a taking a taxi so I can skirt right on past a red carpet event take a couple of photos for my column and blog. Oh, my flat is nothing like my dorm room at Cambridge where I was fagged for two years non-stop and forced to make interesting comedy out of the newsletters of dry academic subject matter or face a public bumming. They heard their names and they laughed, all of them big and small, guilty or innocent. It was a luv in. And now they are all director generals of the BBC and they want a little more of the same for them and their cronies at the home office, or in the newspapers, or in the royal households. My job is never done. Glenmorangie and Chips for dinner may be a tin of beans for some protein. Who is that at the door? Why it’s Plod! What that you’re saying plod. I am under a vest. For what? For inculcating in the nation a desire to see more celebrities on television and feeling smug about the critical nature of your shows. Please, this is preposterous. I work nine to five just like a hard working family who saves their money and is the backbone of Britain. I’m just like youuuuuuuuuuuuu! (Screams as taken to the cells)

Published by Andrew Mark Watkins

Join our competition!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: